Biglorryblog's 'Good Man in Africa' Jerry Burley says: "You may recall from Part 1 of O'Brien Tindemwebwa's epic, four-hour, 200km blacktop drive from the capital out to Hoima in the boondocks (along arguably the country's best road - it's brand new at the moment), whereupon OB happened the Toyota Dyna with its David Bellamy-esque jungular behaviour. [See previous blog BLB]
"Well, OB barely made it barely 10kms towards his intended target when he stumbled upon this little exercise in progress. A six-tonne Fuso had mysteriously fallen over on this dead straight road, in daylight on a clear, dry day."
"The EHS investigation team, flown in specially from Mission-out-of-Control, was totally confounded. Was it the 12 tonnes of maize meal stacked 14ft high on the 6 tonne truck... Or the pre-loved, 16" 8-ply tyres that was the problem?"
Or again the specially-ventilated, non-matching developmental front tyre pictured above that may have unbalanced the load?
Then again was it because the rear axle spring centre bolt had broken, knocking it out line thus allowing the prop to part company?"
"Must be a design fault... Or did the centre bearing's specially-made, recycled-truck-tyre vibration damper come adrift causing all of the above? Or the missing bolts on its clamp allowed lateral movement perhaps?"
"It was certainly lucky there was a prop restraint fitted (the one bit that looked relatively sound) as otherwise a bit of automotive pole vaulting - or a diff bouncing over the cab - may have resulted!"
Well, says Jerry "It was quite an investigative challenge you will, I am sure, concur. They also suspected the small leak in the exhaust before the Cat (damned legislation again!), which may have sent the driver to sleep with light CO poisoning. Although it COULD have simply been the access of oncohol, oshifer. I doubt we will ever know, such was the complexity of the crash. One benefit of the truck being on its side is evident though - much easier to fix it all now without getting dirt in your eyes."
Anyway, all's well that ends well, the Mission team (I think the team leader was called William Robert "Billy" Hill, believe it or not, or Billy-Bob Hillbilly for short, who smoked a 2ft long rose-wood pipe and by choice drank lighter fluid) was sent merrily back home to their much-missed Uncle Sam-brand banjos and in the end only a bruise or two to show for it all. The chaps unloaded the cargo on the side of the road..."
"...and then the slightly less shop-soiled trucks' identical twin sister came bimbling along, was reloaded with the same cargo of inanimate and live objects, and was soon on its merry way again too. Top stuff and mission accomplished!"
"And as for the the new motorbike, seen cunningly disguised with a plastic shopping bag?" asks Jerry. "You barely noticed that did you? Well, it appears that this was buried deep in the maize-meal cargo (prior to the gymnastics and load redistribution that is, where-after it again became apparent) and was possibly going to "find its way over the border" to the Congo suggests O'B... Duties evasion, surely not, that's terrible!!" Now click through here to read more about O'B's adventures and a a little spot of local flooding...
Jerry continues his tale of human courage from the dark continent:"...O'B eventually completed his top secret assignment (I cant remember now why he went there in the first place, which shows how secret it must have been) and made it back to town, just in time for 3" of rain to fall in ten minutes, which as can be seen caused the roads to become somewhat damp in the capital, but he made it through and was able to wash out the inside of the Patrol too, while driving along, as the floods gently percolated through the door seals. So something positive came of the deluge."
"Meanwhile," says Jerry, "In front of a disciplinary tribunal the next day, however, he was patently unable to explain why he took time off, unauthorised, to photograph truck crash-testing (he is not certified to do this and that's a very important omission) while on duty, so he suffered a favourite old 'local' punishment for his pains."
It involves driving a knackered Long-Repair (Allards made-in-AD 110 in this case, as can be seen, so no problem with the knackered bit though getting it to actually drive took a bit more effort) around the block a few times, then said offending person sits on the bonnet for 15 minutes while everyone else minces about in front of him and asks suitably polite questions about his choice of pile ointment and its application methodology. Bit like the naughty chair at primary school really..."
"As can be seen, O'B was not too thrilled with all the attention - dare I say it, he even looks a wee bit grumpy?"
And before any human rights organisation contacts Biglorryblog [in the unlikey event that they might actually read BLB] I'm sure Jerry is JOKING OKAY?
For he goes on to say: "As a final 'punishment' he has been sent off to Perth, Australia today on a training course, probably the worst indignity of them all... But where for four weeks he will be able to claim, to the unbridled joy of the gathered throng [And at this point BLB has had to step in once again to censor Jerry's less-than-complementary and politically-incorrect remarks about the inhabitants of Australia involving rabbits, domestication and former prisoners of His Majesty] that all this could ONLY HAPPEN IN AFRICA! Regards, Jerry."
Well you can say what you like about O'B Jerry, he's clearly a 'diamond in the rough' as far as BLB is concerned and I won't hear a word said against him--especially as he's come up with such terrific pictures for me. So there...
Another great adventure there Jerry, hopefully OB will find Aussie drivers a little more roadworthy. Make sure he packs the camera.