But my chances improved when Dylan's Master died on the way to the track - and had to be towed the last few miles. If Dylan had to push his entry around the test track I may not come last.
First challenge was the fastest lap, which I was convinced I would lose. The Master had been coaxed into life once more, and even if it was pissing brown water out of a split hose it would surely still beat my van. The Slug got in, familiarised himself with the controls - and was shocked to discover a fifth gear. He sped off, producing a sorry attempt at a wheel-spin in the process, and I proudly watched-on with a tear in my eye. In fact we all had tears in our eyes - they were caused by the nuclear mushroom-type plume of smoke that we were now engulfed in!

The 'Slug' wasn't impressed with my van's cornering skills.

Incredibly the Leyland Daf beat the Master, coming in a credible second. It was the same story with both the wheelspin and acceleration tests too - with the ex-Post Office van managing 60mph in a blistering quick twenty-something seconds.
Next challenge was the in-cab noise test - the one I had been really dreading. Even with the engine off the Leyland Daf is loud - the noise of it rusting keeps my neighbours awake at night. At speed it becomes positively deafening. A combination of a squeaky driver's seat, a rattling sliding bulkhead which opens while going around corners, knackered wheel bearings, appalling sound insulation and an aged Peugeot diesel engine, means it sounds like the Royal Symphonic Orchestra is tuning up the back of the van. There is actually a stereo fitted - and while the display lights-up, I have no idea whether or not it works because of the cacophony of noises coming from elsewhere in the van.
But luckily for me we were able to fire-up the Master again. By this stage it really was in its death-throws - and was sounding decidedly ill. Its misfortune enabled me to pick up another valuable second place.
All three vans successfully managed the one-in-four hill-start (although mine shook so violently I thought I was going to lose a filling), which left only the doughnut challenge to finish. Nobody actually explained what the rules for this particular test were - but it was a lot of fun nonetheless. I actually got into fourth-gear, and the speedometer was reading 85mph as I left a thick layer of smoking Chinese rubber on the tarmac.
So, now it's all over and I'm waiting to hear what the final result was. Since Dylan's Master ended up in the scrapyard it's a safe bet to assume that I didn't come last. Watch this space for the results - and for a link to the video from the event.

As you can see I only had time to polish half of the van.