Remember how I said I was sure the inside of my new Renault Master van was bound to be as clean as the exterior? Well I was wrong – very wrong! I now fully understand why the vendor didn’t mention a single word about the interior in the advert. If he had, it might have read something like this:
“Every morning for the past 18 months I have driven to McDonalds for my morning coffee. But instead of drinking it I have chosen to pour it all over the seats, floor and dashboard."
"...I have repeated this exercise throughout the day with cans of Coke, Red Bull and any other sticky liquid I have been able to get my hands on. I wasn’t sure how best to clean the dashboard, and decided that the best course of action would be to cover it with plaster and cement dust. This didn’t work, so I tried burger grease, soil and engine oil instead.
"The van’s ashtray is in mint condition and has never been used. Why would I bother when I can flick my cigarette butts on the floor or in the door pockets?
"In my job I have to carry a lot of cement and plaster, but unfortunately not in bags. Instead it has been shovelled into the back of the van. I tried washing some of it out a year ago with water, but unfortunately it set! But don’t worry because most of it flowed out of the back and is currently sitting on the rear bumper. This is now 2 inches higher than it should be because of all the crap on it, and consequently the rear doors don’t open properly. And don’t bother trying to open the side sliding door because the gunk has caused it to seize.”
Other things that slipped the vendor’s mind were the fact that the central locking had stopped working and that the plastic panels in the back doors had more holes than a Nevada brothel!
But it’s not all bad news – the driveline seems to be perfect and other than a dent in the sliding door and in the front bumper the bodywork is perfect and totally rust-free.
I have a feeling this has been used as a flowerpot.
More holes than a whorehouse!
You feel like you need a shower after sitting on these seats.
Cargo area isn't much cleaner.